Happy December all! Our unseasonable non-fall weather has ended. It only took until December. It is cold and raining and we in Maryland need it dramatically. There is a river that is gone. It is a brook or less; a dribble. It is startling. Anyone who follows our current presidency and their take on "global warming" is a moron. When I can see 95% of a riverbed that is more often 20-40 feet deep I am concerned.
It was almost 70 degrees on Thanksgiving in Washington D.C., well above normal. There is a great article in The Onion, the satirical newspaper, that ran the other day. For all of their satire I think that they may be frighteningly correct. “Fall Canceled after 3 Billion Seasons”: Fall, the long-running series of shorter days and cooler nights, was canceled earlier this week after nearly 3 billion seasons on Earth, sources reported Tuesday.
The classic period of the year, which once occupied a coveted slot between summer and winter, will be replaced by new, stifling humidity levels, near-constant sunshine and almost no precipitation for months.
'As much as we’d like to see it stay, fall will not be returning for another season,’ National Weather Service president John Hayes announced during a muggy press conference Nov. 6. ‘Fall had a great run, but sadly, times have changed.’ ... The cancellation was not without its share of warning signs. In recent years, fall had been reduced from three months to a meager two-week stint, and its scheduled start time had been pushed back later and later each year.”
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Gobble, Gobble, Gobble
Happy Thanksgiving to all. I am grateful for many things. My family. A warm home to live in. A good job. Actually, two good jobs. Kind and wonderful friends. A faith that gives me so much inside including peace, a sense of wholeness, and the room to grow. A handsome, fun, and amazing man who I love and who loves me. A new passport. A plane ticket to Ireland on December 25th.
I recently was asked to teach the 11 year old kids Sunday School. We are going through the New Testament. I recently taught the young single adults and the situation is so different. I have 5 boys and 2 girls. The girls act like little adults and the boys like little boys. I taught my first class on the Stephen who became a martyr. It went a ton better than I thought.
I hope that all is good where you are.
Don't forget to keep in touch with me.
I recently was asked to teach the 11 year old kids Sunday School. We are going through the New Testament. I recently taught the young single adults and the situation is so different. I have 5 boys and 2 girls. The girls act like little adults and the boys like little boys. I taught my first class on the Stephen who became a martyr. It went a ton better than I thought.
I hope that all is good where you are.
Don't forget to keep in touch with me.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Just call me Darth Vader
I officially have obstructive sleep apnea. Apnea literally means "without breath" in Latin. So, sleep apnea is sleep without breath. It is a common disorder that can be serious. In sleep apnea, my breathing stops or gets very shallow. Each pause in breathing typically lasts 10 to 20 seconds or more. These pauses can occur 20 to 30 times or more an hour. I was diagnosed with moderate sleep apnea. I stop breathing 56 times an hour! It is a little unnerving to think that I was so sick and never knew it. Read on and see how dangerous it is. I had so many symptoms of sleep apnea and was relating them all to other conditions which I was seeking medical help for! A pill for this and a pill for that. Sorry, I am feeling a little irritated by whole American Health Care experience right now. Everything from being a hostage in my doctor's office while he/she runs an hour behind to paying disgustingly high insurance rates/co-pays for health/prescription coverage. But that is another blog for another day.
During sleep the muscles in the back of my throat relax. These muscles support the soft palate, the triangular piece of tissue hanging from the soft palate (uvula), tonsils and tongue. When my muscles relax, my airway narrows or closes as I breathe in, and breathing momentarily cuts off. This lowers the level of oxygen in my blood. My brain senses this inability to breath and briefly rouses me from my sleep so that I can reopen my airway. This awakening is usually so brief that I don't even remember it.
I awaken with a transient shortness of breath that corrects itself quickly, within one or two deep breaths, although this is rare. This pattern can repeat itself all night long. These disruptions impair my ability to reach those desired deep, restful phases of sleep, and I feel sleepy during my waking hours especially in the morning. I was not aware that my sleep was interrupted. In fact, thought that I slept well all night.
I cannot believe so many people have sleep apnea. Doctors estimate that more than 12 million Americans have sleep apnea. It hits mostly men, people who are overweight, or over 40 years old, but it can affect anyone at any age. It is really hard to realize if you have it. Or, it was for me. Even though I don't remember waking up during the night, I fight serious morning sleepiness, irritability, and fatigue. I experience morning headaches which I characterized as migraines and went to my general physician for migraine medicine.
My doctor referred me to a sleep disorder center. In the hospital where I work we have a lovely new Sleep Lab. The test that they do to confirm the sleep apnea is called Nocturnal polysomnography. During this test, I was hooked up to equipment that monitors my heart, lung and brain activity, breathing patterns, arm and leg movements, and blood oxygen levels while I slept. Because treatments for other sleep disorders such as narcolepsy and insomnia differ, this test helps the doctor to arrive at an accurate diagnosis. It was really weird to try to sleep while hooked up to monitors on my legs, chest, and head/scalp. I think that it ended up being 12-15 electrodes hooked up to me total. Plus they video tape you while you are sleeping.
Complications abound with sleep apnea and may include Cardiovascular problems. Sudden drops in blood oxygen levels that occur during sleep apnea increase blood pressure and strain the cardiovascular system. About half of people with sleep apnea develop high blood pressure (hypertension), which raises the risk of heart failure and stroke. Bizarrely enough my blood pressure has been increasing in the last year to a rate that was a concern to me. The more severe the obstructive sleep apnea, the greater the risk for high blood pressure. A study published in November 2005 in the New England Journal of Medicine reported that obstructive sleep apnea greatly increases the risk of stroke, regardless of whether a person has high blood pressure. However, effectively treating obstructive sleep apnea can lower blood pressure and the risk of other cardiovascular diseases. Another problem it leads to is daytime fatigue. The repeated awakenings associated with sleep apnea make normal, restorative sleep impossible. People with sleep apnea often experience severe daytime drowsiness, fatigue and irritability. I thought that my medicines for my bipolar drugged me to the point that I wasn't able to wake in the mornings. I often drive to work in a dangerously fatigued state not understanding how I was so tired after 8 hours of sleep or more.
People with obstructive also complain of memory problems, morning headaches (my migraines that have started up after over a decade of not having them), mood swings or feelings of depression (duh, bipolar). Gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD) may be more prevalent in people with sleep apnea. I have had GERD since I was 21!
So, now I have a CPAP machine to help me breath in the night. CPAP means Continuous Positive Airway Pressure. This device delivers air pressure through a mask placed over my nose while I sleep. With CPAP (SEE-pap), the air pressure is somewhat greater than that of the surrounding air, and is just enough to keep my upper airway passages open, preventing apnea and snoring. So, like our villainous foe in Star Wars, I sleep with a mask on my face and an apparatus on my head to keep it in place. There is that slightly distinctive breathing with a mask on sound. It isn't bulky or loud but I still do feel like I am a little bit assimilated. Resistance is futile.
As I am still trying to adapt to the concept, I put the mask on at night and start to fall asleep. When I am almost to sleep where I can't remember anything, I apparently have been flinging the thing off of my head. I can vaguely recall doing it, but not why. Weird but true. I have yet to wear it an entire night. I don't think I have worn it for half of a night yet. But my Dad and my doctor swear that once you get adjusted to the CPAP it will change my life. Gosh I hope so.
During sleep the muscles in the back of my throat relax. These muscles support the soft palate, the triangular piece of tissue hanging from the soft palate (uvula), tonsils and tongue. When my muscles relax, my airway narrows or closes as I breathe in, and breathing momentarily cuts off. This lowers the level of oxygen in my blood. My brain senses this inability to breath and briefly rouses me from my sleep so that I can reopen my airway. This awakening is usually so brief that I don't even remember it.
I awaken with a transient shortness of breath that corrects itself quickly, within one or two deep breaths, although this is rare. This pattern can repeat itself all night long. These disruptions impair my ability to reach those desired deep, restful phases of sleep, and I feel sleepy during my waking hours especially in the morning. I was not aware that my sleep was interrupted. In fact, thought that I slept well all night.
I cannot believe so many people have sleep apnea. Doctors estimate that more than 12 million Americans have sleep apnea. It hits mostly men, people who are overweight, or over 40 years old, but it can affect anyone at any age. It is really hard to realize if you have it. Or, it was for me. Even though I don't remember waking up during the night, I fight serious morning sleepiness, irritability, and fatigue. I experience morning headaches which I characterized as migraines and went to my general physician for migraine medicine.
My doctor referred me to a sleep disorder center. In the hospital where I work we have a lovely new Sleep Lab. The test that they do to confirm the sleep apnea is called Nocturnal polysomnography. During this test, I was hooked up to equipment that monitors my heart, lung and brain activity, breathing patterns, arm and leg movements, and blood oxygen levels while I slept. Because treatments for other sleep disorders such as narcolepsy and insomnia differ, this test helps the doctor to arrive at an accurate diagnosis. It was really weird to try to sleep while hooked up to monitors on my legs, chest, and head/scalp. I think that it ended up being 12-15 electrodes hooked up to me total. Plus they video tape you while you are sleeping.
Complications abound with sleep apnea and may include Cardiovascular problems. Sudden drops in blood oxygen levels that occur during sleep apnea increase blood pressure and strain the cardiovascular system. About half of people with sleep apnea develop high blood pressure (hypertension), which raises the risk of heart failure and stroke. Bizarrely enough my blood pressure has been increasing in the last year to a rate that was a concern to me. The more severe the obstructive sleep apnea, the greater the risk for high blood pressure. A study published in November 2005 in the New England Journal of Medicine reported that obstructive sleep apnea greatly increases the risk of stroke, regardless of whether a person has high blood pressure. However, effectively treating obstructive sleep apnea can lower blood pressure and the risk of other cardiovascular diseases. Another problem it leads to is daytime fatigue. The repeated awakenings associated with sleep apnea make normal, restorative sleep impossible. People with sleep apnea often experience severe daytime drowsiness, fatigue and irritability. I thought that my medicines for my bipolar drugged me to the point that I wasn't able to wake in the mornings. I often drive to work in a dangerously fatigued state not understanding how I was so tired after 8 hours of sleep or more.
People with obstructive also complain of memory problems, morning headaches (my migraines that have started up after over a decade of not having them), mood swings or feelings of depression (duh, bipolar). Gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD) may be more prevalent in people with sleep apnea. I have had GERD since I was 21!
So, now I have a CPAP machine to help me breath in the night. CPAP means Continuous Positive Airway Pressure. This device delivers air pressure through a mask placed over my nose while I sleep. With CPAP (SEE-pap), the air pressure is somewhat greater than that of the surrounding air, and is just enough to keep my upper airway passages open, preventing apnea and snoring. So, like our villainous foe in Star Wars, I sleep with a mask on my face and an apparatus on my head to keep it in place. There is that slightly distinctive breathing with a mask on sound. It isn't bulky or loud but I still do feel like I am a little bit assimilated. Resistance is futile.
As I am still trying to adapt to the concept, I put the mask on at night and start to fall asleep. When I am almost to sleep where I can't remember anything, I apparently have been flinging the thing off of my head. I can vaguely recall doing it, but not why. Weird but true. I have yet to wear it an entire night. I don't think I have worn it for half of a night yet. But my Dad and my doctor swear that once you get adjusted to the CPAP it will change my life. Gosh I hope so.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
I Met Hannbal Lecter Today...
I attended a "Lunch & Learn" today at the hospital called, "Silence, Stigma & Mental Illness". In the flyers there was a spin on Silence of the Lambs for the program. I was interested in this topic because I deal with bipolar on a daily basis and during my time living in Utah I encountered so much ignorance about mental illness it infuriated me.
The primary newspaper in Salt Lake City did a survey about perception of mental illness and 36% of respondents believed that mental illness was a result of sin. Are you kidding me? Then I went to my family ward bishop me during a particularly difficult time during my illness which I believe I was struggling with due to the passing of my grandmother, an attempted burglary of my apartment while I was in it, and a break in of my car. When I shared my difficulties and my illness with him looking for insightful spiritual guidance he expressed that I would be happier if I just attended church more frequently, said my prayers more fervently, read my scriptures longer etc ad nauseum. Are you kidding me?
When we arrived at the lunch & learn they had free pizza and fava beans. If you don't know why the fava beans are so funny, I can't help you. After we all sat down they lowered the lights and two gentlemen wheeled in a man on a moving dolly wearing a straight jacket and a mouth restraint just like Anthony Hopkins in the movie. Then introduced himself as Dr. Hannibal Lecter. Creepy and funny. The presenter was the medical director of the hospital's behavioral health (psychiatric) department, Dr. Dennis Kutzer. He had a marvelous sense of humor and got away with a lot of anecdotes that most hospital associates would never get away with. He had some amazing information to share. He used the Hannibal Lecter idea to over emphasize that there are so many bad perceptions out there especially that people with mental illness are dangerous.
One of the first things that he stated was that he suffered from depression and that 2 of his children suffer from depression. Then he started sharing the statistics. 26% of Americans suffer from one or more 'mental illness'. That is 1 in 4 people. He informed us about so many things. It was really good. Making a point that mental illness is disease. The term mental illness is a misnomer because it makes it sound like the illness is 'all in your mind' like it isn't a physical disease. He said that it isn't in your mind its in your brain and the brain is a tangible working organ of the body and one of the most important ones at that. I wish I had been able to write everything down and share it. If I can recall more...more will follow.
The primary newspaper in Salt Lake City did a survey about perception of mental illness and 36% of respondents believed that mental illness was a result of sin. Are you kidding me? Then I went to my family ward bishop me during a particularly difficult time during my illness which I believe I was struggling with due to the passing of my grandmother, an attempted burglary of my apartment while I was in it, and a break in of my car. When I shared my difficulties and my illness with him looking for insightful spiritual guidance he expressed that I would be happier if I just attended church more frequently, said my prayers more fervently, read my scriptures longer etc ad nauseum. Are you kidding me?
When we arrived at the lunch & learn they had free pizza and fava beans. If you don't know why the fava beans are so funny, I can't help you. After we all sat down they lowered the lights and two gentlemen wheeled in a man on a moving dolly wearing a straight jacket and a mouth restraint just like Anthony Hopkins in the movie. Then introduced himself as Dr. Hannibal Lecter. Creepy and funny. The presenter was the medical director of the hospital's behavioral health (psychiatric) department, Dr. Dennis Kutzer. He had a marvelous sense of humor and got away with a lot of anecdotes that most hospital associates would never get away with. He had some amazing information to share. He used the Hannibal Lecter idea to over emphasize that there are so many bad perceptions out there especially that people with mental illness are dangerous.
One of the first things that he stated was that he suffered from depression and that 2 of his children suffer from depression. Then he started sharing the statistics. 26% of Americans suffer from one or more 'mental illness'. That is 1 in 4 people. He informed us about so many things. It was really good. Making a point that mental illness is disease. The term mental illness is a misnomer because it makes it sound like the illness is 'all in your mind' like it isn't a physical disease. He said that it isn't in your mind its in your brain and the brain is a tangible working organ of the body and one of the most important ones at that. I wish I had been able to write everything down and share it. If I can recall more...more will follow.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Coping Better, Working, and Feeling Wanted
I am coping better with Paul having gone back to Ireland. It was a rough week last week emotionally. I had an interesting little event happen yesterday at work. Work is going well. Lots of it to do. I don't know if many people know what I do. I am the administrative assistant to the Director of Supply Chain Management & Security at Carroll Hospital Center. It is a good job for many reasons. My bosses agree that I do my job well, they appreciate me, and show it. I got as phone call from one of the other departments; The Learning Center. It was a fellow administrative assistant for that department. She told me that the other administrative assistant had just given her two week notice and she asked me if I would please apply for her position. I told her that I was very grateful that she thought of me and asked me, but that I was very very happy where I was.
Of course I went in to my boss and let him know that I was offered a position in another department. He slightly banged his hands on his desk and said, "I knew it. I knew they were going to start coming after you." He hung his head in this particulary dramatic way for him (he is a cool, calm, logical person 99.9% of the time). "They see the work you do and they know how beneficial you would be to their departments." I smiled. It feels good to be wanted. I reassured him that I wasn't going anywhere and there wasn't another department in the hospital that I wanted to work for.
Of course I went in to my boss and let him know that I was offered a position in another department. He slightly banged his hands on his desk and said, "I knew it. I knew they were going to start coming after you." He hung his head in this particulary dramatic way for him (he is a cool, calm, logical person 99.9% of the time). "They see the work you do and they know how beneficial you would be to their departments." I smiled. It feels good to be wanted. I reassured him that I wasn't going anywhere and there wasn't another department in the hospital that I wanted to work for.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Sunshine Left and so did Paul
Well, the rains came, the sunshine left, and so did Paul. He flew home to Northern Ireland on Sunday, August 19th. He arrived safely in Belfast on Monday morning August 20th, but without his luggage again. This is hard. Worse than I could have imagined. Every morning we sat and ate breakfast together. He would send me off with kisses and hugs. Geez. I guess I will get off of here and stop boring all...
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