On the Road Again...

Today we journeyed toward a lovely destination. Not a particular physical place, but a space inside. The catalyst for this journey was called Time Out for Women. My mom and I have been planning this trip since January 1, 2009.Time Out for Women (TOFW) is a tour of sorts. An inspirational tour/program sponsored by a branch of Deseret Book and affiliated with Latter-Day Saints. My mom and I attended the event in Richmond, Virginia. Richmond is generally a three and a half hour ride from our home. Here is a link to their website http://deseretbook.com/time-out/

Looking at the actual trip down, I think of a quote by Booker T. Washington. He was an American educator, orator, author and the dominant leader of the nation's African American community from the 1890s to his death. He was born into slavery and freed by the Civil War in 1865, he led the new Tuskegee Institute, then a teachers' college for blacks. He said, “Nothing ever comes to one, that is worth having, except as a result of hard work.” In a more modern interpretation I have heard the adage "Nothing worth having comes easy."Since my eleven year old little green Ford car is literally limping on its 198,000 miles and my Mom's Kia is in desperate need of new brakes we asked around to see if anyone else was heading down that way for the event. Luckily, a lovely lady from our congregation at church was in need of traveling companions and was willing to drive us in her van. Of course in strict adherence to my "Preparation" Code of Ethics the trip was planning to the last detail and yet again my plans were thwarted. I am in way too good of a mood to contribute it to the world and universe combining against me, but...sometimes I get that niggling in the back of my mind, mmmm, it could be (smile) ever since I fell in love with the X-Files I have always loved a good conspiracy, but I divert...sincerest apologies.Our well planned 3.5 hour journey lasted a patience testing 6 hours. At one point it almost took an entire hour to drive five measly miles. Just five. No exaggerating (which I admit to enjoying on an occasion or two). Again I was foiled by Washington D.C. traffic. It never fails. And yet time and again, I am surprised and somewhat annoyed.

Blessedly, my traveling companions saw the humor of our situation and took it as it came. The lovely lady who drove was ever patient in the daunting traffic. It made the trip more bearable. The magical kingdom of Leesburg did not wield any power on this trip and we escaped unscathed of such detours.Our plans included staying at a remarkable and historic hotel in downtown Richmond called the Linden Row Inn. Originally built in the 1840s, Linden Row Inn is a 70-room hotel located in the heart of historic Richmond. It has stunning period architecture, fireplaces, chandeliers, and high ceilings. It is reminiscent of a more gracious era. The rooms are filled with antiques and reproductions from the Victorian and Empire periods. We stayed in one of the Main House Rooms - #318. These rooms are located in the 7 connected row houses and feature 12' ceilings, rich jewel-toned color schemes, contemporary amenities, and access to the veranda over looking the courtyard. We found out that this hotel is the only in the city listed on the National Register of Historic Places.

After our 12 Noon departure from Taneytown, Maryland we anticipated arriving in Richmond, checking into our lovely little inn, walking to one of the local quaint eateries, then traveling the few blocks to the start of the TOFW event at 6:30 PM. Such was not the case and it is good to learn to "roll with the punches" so to speak. I-95 Southbound from Washington D.C. was simply put - a parking lot. Some people just pulled off to the side of the road to take a nap until the worst of the traffic eased up. There were accidents of all kinds most of which were the garden variety of vendor bender, but those came with police and rubberneckers. Nevertheless, our faithful and stalwart travel leader pushed on.

We arrived in Richmond just minutes before the event started. Our travel leader said, "I'm just glad we got in one piece and aren't going to miss any of the program." I am grateful for both.The Friday evening portion of the program included a lot of music. I love music. It does something inside of me. Lyrics are so critical to me. Music has great power and influence in my life. I have changed the course of my life with inspiration from two lines of one song - oddly enough a U2 song, but that is a story for another day. The words echo in me. I feast on them. I move them around in my head, peer into and through them, and follow where they lead.The opening performer is a singer and song writer who centers her music on the human condition in relation to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Her name is Hilary Weeks and she has at least six albums out now. Her music really touched a chord within me. She spent time talking about her experiences, sharing stories about her family life, and sharing her strong feelings about Jesus Christ and our Father in Heaven. Here is a link to her website http://hilaryweeks.com/

The second presenter was a professional photographer named Mark Mabry. He is as a professional photographer with his own private studio, focusing on family and commercial portraiture. Over the past few years, in conjunction with Mesa, Arizona’s annual Easter pageant “Jesus the Christ,” he created a portrait exhibit called Reflections of Christ. Work from this project has recently been published in a book, CD, and DVD titled Reflections of Christ. He shared a video about the making of the Reflections of Christ exhibit. Then he spoke quite frankly about the transition that he made from "high fashion" photographer to a more Christ centered work portfolio. He was so open and honest about the changes he had to make in himself to become worthy of the project he was undertaking. I was so impressed by the things that he shared. So few people, men especially, are not capable or willing to show such transparency into their weaknesses and foibles. Here is the link to the website about the project http://www.reflectionsmg.com/

The final performer is another singer and song writer named Michael McLean. I had seen him in concert many, many years ago - 16 - and enjoyed it immensely. He sang songs about change. He shared that he had been struggling with clinical depression for quite some time and had found the way through it and wanted to share how he had done this. Many of you know that I live with Bipolar - or more commonly called Manic-depressive disorder. I feel a connection to other people who suffer with mental illness. When you feel like the only person in the world struggling with something it is lonely and isolating. It is a fallacy that I am the only one suffering, but there are those days nonetheless. He was upbeat and frank about his struggle. It takes great care and work to get past the dark times. His recent album is entitled, "Changed." Again, his performance has a spiritual side. A lovely Twitter quote of his from his website is "The problem isn't that there's no evidence that God loves His children. The problem is we're afraid to believe it." His website is http://www.michaelmcleanmusic.com/

There is more to come from our Saturday event.

Dumb and Dumber Go to Charlottesville, VA

As most of you know, my dear friend Jamie and I were pleased to have tickets to see U2 in concert in Scott Stadium at University of Virginia in Charlottesville, Virginia. This is our "travel journal". Please enjoy our comedy of errors, and so much more...

I, in my true overly orderly nature, spent time preparing a folder with many important items. All of the mapquest directions we needed to get from each place to the next. The treasured (and expensive) concert tickets to see U2 and the costly parking pass. Copies of reservation information on the car rental and the hotel. Directions and info on visiting Thomas Jefferson's home, Monticello, as we planned to visit there the day following the concert. I planned and planned and planned. I forgot the reminder that nothing goes exactly as we plan.

Jamie and I arrived at the car rental place at precisely the correct time. While there we were experiencing a "Seinfeld" like experience of obtaining a car. After extra time spent securing a car, we wiped our brows in relief and went on the road in our macaroni and cheese yellow Chevy Aveo.

All was working well, with the exception of a few "traffic moments", as this is Maryland and traffic surrounding Baltimore and Washington D.C. can leave a person astonished, even after a lifetime of exposure.

Then we came upon the magical city of Leesburg. We traveled problem free. We followed the directions given by mapquest exactly. As we thought that we were pulling away from Leesburg into a more rural area, imagine my surprise when it looked like we were arriving BACK in Leesburg precisely the way we arrived 20 minutes before! I was confused and asked Jamie to counsel me on the EXACT directions for leaving Leesburg. We soon found ourselves driving past rural sights we had encountered on our first time around. Specifically, one could hardly believe that there are TWO tall grain silos painted pink with black polka dots. As we pulled into Leesburg AGAIN, we deducted that the mapquest directions were taking us in a circle. The thought did cross our minds that Leesburg had a magical quality that once one has entered the only option was to stay, build a house, and make a new life there. We made jokes about our future generations who would pass down the story of how we arrived in Leesburg and could never leave.

We stopped at a gas station and were given directions to get out of Leesburg and further on our way to Charlottesville. There was significant traffic and construction. It seems that most cities and roads were constructing "traffic circles" which are meant to be a distraction and possible road block to the quick and efficient movement of vehicles from place to place. At this point we were at least 1.5 hours behind my intended schedule, thus causing me frustration. Jamie helped me keep the frustration down by revealing the humor behind our comedy of errors.

When we were approaching Charlottesville, the "directions" again failed us. One road turned into another without any communication. W Market Street turned into E Market Street even though we were actually heading West! The "maps" provided by mapquest included much, but not enough. We always seemed to be just out of range of where the map started. We were driving without planned decisions and making poor choices. Had we stayed on one of the various roads we turned off of in a panic we might have gotten to our hotel 45 minutes earlier. Again, we had fallen behind schedule even more. When we pulled into our hotel we were almost 2.5 hours behind the plan. We began getting ready for the concert at 6 PM. We had no dinner as we were concerned about getting to the concert on time.

We got ready in record breaking time and hit the road. We were pleased to note that the exit for the stadium was only one exit down from our hotel, but...over 50,000 people were all trying to take the same exit. It was causing considerable traffic. Our excitement and impatience were combining. Eventually we found our parking lot and began the trek to the stadium. We began to hear the music of the band Muse who were the opening act. Jamie and I decided to purchase our concert t-shirts early on. Then we purchased food and drink to make up for our dinner. With soda, pizza, and t-shirt in hand we approached the seating area. I was suddenly astounded!!!!!!!!

I want you all to know that the sounds and sights were FANTASTIC!! I was so excited, I was trembling and could barely walk down the stairs towards our seats. You can feel the music! Muse was performing when we sat down. They did a great pre-show. I am going to go on iTunes and purchase a few of them that I liked. Then the lights came up and many of the 399 U2 stage crew started getting the set ready for them.

The show started with a song from No Line on the Horizon - Breathe. No pun intended, but I was breathless!! I screamed, I clapped, I sang along, I danced my booty off! New songs, old ones, even sacred songs like Sunday Bloody Sunday. I started crying when the opening notes began to play. The remix of I'll Go Crazy was AWESOME and I HAVE to find it.

Here is the blow your mind playlist:

• Breathe
• Magnificent
• Get on Your Boots
• Mysterious Ways
• I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
• She's The One/Desire
• Elevation
• Your Blue Room
• Beautiful Day
• No Line on the Horizon
• New Year's Day
• Stuck in a Moment
• Unforgettable Fire
• City of Blinding Lights
• Vertigo
• I'll Go Crazy - Remix
• Sunday Bloody Sunday
• MLK
• Walk On
• One
• Where The Streets Have No Name
• Ultraviolet
• With or Without You
• Moment of Surrender

At the end I was deaf and mute. I couldn't hear anything and I was so hoarse from singing and yelling I didn't want to speak, but there was so much joy and adrenaline, I was walking at least 2 feet above the ground. I want to go again, but next year's shows are in Europe, the closest of which is Portugal. I'm tempted, believe me.

Had Neck Surgery

About eight weeks ago I woke up with a "stiff" neck. I thought that I had slept wrong. I thought that it would work itself out. The second week that it hurt it was spreading to the back of my left shoulder. My Dad gave me a shoulder rub and the pain did not ease at all. Then in the next week the pain spread to the deltoid muscle that connects the shoulder to the left arm.

At this point I went to the doctor. I had an MRI and it showed a herniated disk with herniation completely pinching off the cervical spinal nerves that make up the brachial plexus. Then I went to the neurosurgeon. He did some strength tests. He said I could try three things:

1. Ignore it and hope it goes away.
2. Try disk decompression.
3. Surgery to free the nerve.

I tried the disk decompression for 2 weeks. I had improvement in my range of motion, but not in pain relief or strength building. I went back to the neurosurgeon and he did some of the strength tests again. I had lost significant strength in those two weeks. There is concern that I would have permanent nerve damage. His recommendation was surgery now.

I was nervous. I had been having 'nightmares' about it. Monday night in my nightmare I coded (stopped breathing) during the surgery and woke up in the Critical Care Unit intubated (breathing tube down my throat) and not able to communicate with anyone. Tuesday night the dream was that they peformed the surgery on my hand instead of my neck.

So, Thursday 7/23 I went in for surgery on my cervical spine. In Peri-Op they prep you. Get your gown on, get the I.V. set up. I am nervous around needles (conceptually as well as physically). I pretty much have awful veins to find. My blood pressure was pretty high when they were getting ready to put in my I.V. - 156/101! They put it in my hand.

Then like three different people came and asked me the same questions over and over again.
When it was time to take me back I became super nervous. By the time they got me in the operating room and did my blood pressure it was up even higher - 178/118! The meds burned a little bit when they started them. Then I fell asleep. When I woke up I was still in the OR getting prepped for PACU Phase 1 (Post Anesthesia Care Unit). I stayed there for 2 hours coming off of the anesthesia and getting my pain medication. Then they moved me to Phase 2 where my Mom could come in and see me. They said that I was recovering very quickly and I started off to go home.

That's when the nausea hit. All the way home I was barely able to keep myself from being sick. When I got home, I could not control it. That lasted for about 4 hours. Then I calmed down and had some crackers and soda.

The next day I was able to start eating again. The pain has lessened over the last few days, but I still have it. I am trying to be up and about so that I can go back to work on Wednesday. I cannot drive a vehicle for 10 days. No riding in a vehicle for 6 days.

I'm getting tired and sore just sitting here doing this, so I am off. The minute I can get a photo of it I will. Right now there is a waterproof dressing over the incision to protect it. Luckliy, I can shower with it.

Zeus Debut

We have a new addition to our little family.
His name is Zeus.
He was born on Wednesday, April 22, 2009 - Earth Day.
He weighed 3 ounces at birth.

He is a survivor.
Of the six kittens in his litter, he is the only one left.
He has a great personality.
He is a big kitty in a little kitty's body.

At five weeks he has decided to eat real food and drink water.
He is weaning himself from his momma's milk.
He likes to growl and hiss if he thinks you want his food.

He likes to attack the cats that outweigh him by 9-12 pounds.
He likes to attack feet and ankles of the humans around him.
He has started using his kitty litter - good boy!
He sleeps anywhere there is a pillow like surface to lay on.
He is adored by all who meet him.

Yuck, Yuck, Yuck - Tongue in Cheek

I am going to do a tirade here.

I have bronchitis and a sinus infection.

It is kinda humiliating.

I'm leaking, need I sat anymore?

Leaking from my eyes, nose, even my mouth. I won't go any further south than that out of decency, but the list goes on.

On top of everything else now I have leprosy. The kind that attacks your lips and causes massive amounts of cold sores. I didn't even get to kiss anyone to get these sores. I was cheated! Now, no one would kiss me anyways. Sigh. As my Grandpa Ramplin would say, "You can't even win for losing."

My doctor made me laugh (which was more like the beginning of a laugh with a hacking cough and some mucus at the end). During the exam he asked about my ears if I had any problems in relation to my current illness. I told him they feel kinda full and it is hard to hear sometimes then he started moving his mouth like he was talking and purposefully there was no sound coming out. You have to love a doctor with that great a bed side manner. His name is Ed and he is a P.A. I would recommend him to anyone at any time.

I'm on a plethora of medications. The cough syrup being the best of the bunch, but even the fun of that is wearing off. I'm done taking the horse pills (super-antibiotics). I'm starting the third week. I'm supposed to go back if I don't improve. I'm feeling improved. I am a step above, "Please kill me and get it over with."

Thanks for hearing me out.
I don't update my post enough - bad Shauna.

Not My Last Day

I had a very important event scheduled at work on Friday, February 13th. An event we have worked on for months. I was excited to see our hard work come to fruition. I went to the salon Thursday night and had my hair cut and colored. I bought new clothes. I was going to look good. I set my alarm clock for the unholy hour of 5:15 AM- two hours ealier than any other day of the year. I had even scheduled a massage for that evening because I knew I was going to up and on my feet all day. A treat for work well done.


I woke up and played "alarm clock tag" for about 15-20 minutes, then dragged my rear end into the shower. Got out, put on my robe, put cream on my face, then dried and styled my hair. As I sat on the toilet (on the lid -not 'using it') brushing my hair when I heard the front door open. My first thought was that my Dad had gotten 30 miles on his way to work, had forgotten something, and had to drive home again to get it. I knew this was going to make him seriously late for work and my Dad is a super punctual person. He was going to be way ticked off at the way his day had started. However, when my Dad comes in the front door you can hear and feel the vibrations from his heavy footfalls, more like stomping. Then when he "closes" the front door it is really more a huge slam. I heard the door open but no stomping. I heard the front door close but no slam.


I knew I was not alone in my house.


I froze. Fear and terror froze me. Then something zinged through my mind. An article in Newsweek magazine that I just read on Wednesday this week was entitled, "What It Takes To Survive." The main quote was, "The blunt reality of survival is this: too many people perish when they shouldn't. They morph into marble instead of taking decisive action. The key is to recover quickly from brain lock or analysis paralysis, shake off the shock and figure out what to do." So, often those who froze died and those who did something - anything- survived. I took a second and asked myself, "What could I do to survive this?"


I assessed the small bathroom that I was currently in. As slowly and quietly as I thought I could, I reached over and turned the lock on the bathroom door handle. I was even trying to breath as quietly as possible and listen to the house creak and groan with someone's footfalls.


I examined my situation again. What if they meant me harm? Not just a thief, but something worse? What if they knew I was home alone? Intended that I be here alone? This is every woman's most dreaded nightmare. There is an interesting caveate to the events here. On this day I was awake and alert at a time when I would normally be asleep and I sleep like the dead. I would have been completely vulnerable and unaware.


After Elizabeth Smart (the Utah girl taken from her parents home - from her own bed) I vowed no one would ever get me out of my house. In my new circumstance, I vowed no one would get me out of my bathroom. I quickly, but quietly, pushed all of the bath towels onto the floor against the bottom crack in the door both to prevent my motion or sound from being detected and as another obstacle if the door is forced.


Then I heard the first step creak. I slid off of the toilet to the floor. Another step and then another up the stairs that person came. I sat with my back to the door, bent my legs, and planted my feet on the cabinets to the sink in front of me. If they wanted me I was not going to I was not going to go without a fight. Don't get me wrong, I was beside myself terrorized. I heard the footsteps in the upstairs hallway. Fear was immense and sitting in my stomach. I listened so quietly. In what feels like three lifetimes the steps stopped at the bathroom door. The door knob started to turn. I tightened all my muscles. I braced myself. The door wasn't forced further and the steps went down the hall away from the door, but not down the stairs.


I didn't realize it yet, but tears streamed down my face. Silent crying. The worst kind. Then something unexpected happened. The upstairs heat turned on. It was a curse in disguise. Yes, heat in the winter is good, but our heater is so loud in the tiny bathroom that it sounds like an airplane is landing. It covered any other sounds. I didn't know what else was going on outside the bathroom.

I stayed firmly in place. I have no idea how long I stayed in that position in front of the door. It felt like years. I stayed in the bathroom a long time. Hours. I know that sounds silly, but I did not want to open that door for anything but a familiar voice. I felt it all the way to my bones that the locked door kept me safe. I didn't want to be the cliche idiot who opens the door and gets hurt because they thought the coast was clear. In those few hours I did learn some things about myself though. At several points in my experience I contemplated that this was possibly my last day. I didn't want it to be my last day.


I have several friends and family who are less interested in beliefs in God. So, I decided to share the remainder of my story on my blog that is more a spiritual blog rather than just a "journaling" blog. To read about the rest of my story please go to my other blog: http://sacredmatterstome.blogspot.com/