I've always loved the ancient Greek aphorism "Know
Thyself.” I've learned it, like any other piece of language, has many
meanings. It’s a warning on boastfulness
or about being more humble, about not allowing what others think to manipulate
how you perceive yourself, an admonition to those entering sacred places to
understand their standing in relation to deity, a recommendation about being more
temperate, even an explanation that by knowing more about one’s self one can
know more about others and the world around them.
I’ve decided that 40 is about knowing myself better. It’s interesting to me that I am more
fascinated by it than afraid of it. I
know that it can be an impetus in a life for good or bad. Often you hear about the mid-life crisis of
those who lose their minds, divorce their spouses of many years, get sports
cars, lose weight, and marry people young enough to be their own children. I’m not sure what a mid-life crisis looks
like (yet) and I’m glad for it. I like
living the unusual life.
For me this last year has been about stopping, marking the
time, and trying to see what it means.
My Mom teased me earlier this year, “Ha, ha you’re turning 40.” To which I answered, “Ha, ha you’re the
mother of a 40 year old.”
One of the first things I’ve decided is I’m an adult now. You are allowed to laugh at that. I’m single without the responsibility of a
spouse or children and that makes a big difference in life expectations. I’m taking advantage of being an adult these
days. Went to lunch at a restaurant and
when I was done eating my cake and I hadn't eaten all of the icing I was told,
“You have to eat your icing.” My
response was, “No I don’t. I’m a grown
up and I don’t have to eat what I don’t want to eat.” I’m not sure who put these arbitrary rules in
place, but darn it, if I don’t want to eat the icing, I’m not going to. I will live with the repercussions of that
action because that is what adults do. I
can do what I want when I want, but will have to live with the repercussions of
those choices. Maybe 40 is being
prepared to do some things I don’t really want to do, because I don’t want to
live with the repercussions. 40 could
also be about the wisdom of knowing when to fight a battle and when to choose
not to fight a battle.
I have already seen some of the physical changes. What’s fascinating is that I thought to
myself, “Hey, it won’t necessarily happen to me.” HA!
I’m not sure if it was naivete wishful thinking, denial or a
combination of all three, but I was mistaken.
I want to make sure it isn't perceived as complaining, although I do my
share. I’m quizzical, want
to take it apart and see it from all of the different angles. Find my fit in this new era of my life.
I started peri-menopause.
I’m pretty open about it because it is a natural part of a human woman’s
life and shouldn't be considered an uncomfortable secret. It happens.
Deal with it. I needed a new
prescription for my eye glasses for the first time in almost 3 years. I started having the memory blips. I became particularly upset when things I
used to remember vividly were not so readily recalled any longer. Some of those details, particularly from my
youth are starting to slip away.
My most recent physical sign of approaching 40 has been an
increase in my aches and pains. Due to a
previous injury and surgery my right knee can tell the weather better than the
combined wisdom of every forecaster on the Weather Channel.
I know with absolute certainty that 40 is a time of change for the mind
and body. It may be a gateway to
better perception and is only that which I make it. It is learning when to
fight and when to concede. Right now 40 is
taking the time to know myself.
