The Year of 40

I've always loved the ancient Greek aphorism "Know Thyself.” I've learned it, like any other piece of language, has many meanings.  It’s a warning on boastfulness or about being more humble, about not allowing what others think to manipulate how you perceive yourself, an admonition to those entering sacred places to understand their standing in relation to deity, a recommendation about being more temperate, even an explanation that by knowing more about one’s self one can know more about others and the world around them.

I’ve decided that 40 is about knowing myself better.  It’s interesting to me that I am more fascinated by it than afraid of it.  I know that it can be an impetus in a life for good or bad.  Often you hear about the mid-life crisis of those who lose their minds, divorce their spouses of many years, get sports cars, lose weight, and marry people young enough to be their own children.  I’m not sure what a mid-life crisis looks like (yet) and I’m glad for it.  I like living the unusual life. 

For me this last year has been about stopping, marking the time, and trying to see what it means.  My Mom teased me earlier this year, “Ha, ha you’re turning 40.”  To which I answered, “Ha, ha you’re the mother of a 40 year old.”

One of the first things I’ve decided is I’m an adult now.  You are allowed to laugh at that.  I’m single without the responsibility of a spouse or children and that makes a big difference in life expectations.  I’m taking advantage of being an adult these days.  Went to lunch at a restaurant and when I was done eating my cake and I hadn't eaten all of the icing I was told, “You have to eat your icing.”  My response was, “No I don’t.  I’m a grown up and I don’t have to eat what I don’t want to eat.”  I’m not sure who put these arbitrary rules in place, but darn it, if I don’t want to eat the icing, I’m not going to.  I will live with the repercussions of that action because that is what adults do.  I can do what I want when I want, but will have to live with the repercussions of those choices.  Maybe 40 is being prepared to do some things I don’t really want to do, because I don’t want to live with the repercussions.  40 could also be about the wisdom of knowing when to fight a battle and when to choose not to fight a battle.   

I have already seen some of the physical changes.  What’s fascinating is that I thought to myself, “Hey, it won’t necessarily happen to me.”  HA!  I’m not sure if it was naivete  wishful thinking, denial or a combination of all three, but I was mistaken.  I want to make sure it isn't perceived as complaining, although I do my share.  I’m quizzical, want to take it apart and see it from all of the different angles.  Find my fit in this new era of my life.

I started peri-menopause.  I’m pretty open about it because it is a natural part of a human woman’s life and shouldn't be considered an uncomfortable secret.  It happens.  Deal with it.  I needed a new prescription for my eye glasses for the first time in almost 3 years.  I started having the memory blips.  I became particularly upset when things I used to remember vividly were not so readily recalled any longer.  Some of those details, particularly from my youth are starting to slip away. 

My most recent physical sign of approaching 40 has been an increase in my aches and pains.  Due to a previous injury and surgery my right knee can tell the weather better than the combined wisdom of every forecaster on the Weather Channel.

I know with absolute certainty that 40 is a time of change for the mind and body.  It may be a gateway to better perception and is only that which I make it. It is learning when to fight and when to concede.  Right now 40 is taking the time to know myself.